


Just Because We're Roommates Doesn't Mean We Mate

by ijustwanttodestroy



Category: Gintama
Genre: College AU, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance, roommates au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 21:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5642035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ijustwanttodestroy/pseuds/ijustwanttodestroy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hijikata finds his roommate quite insufferable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey.”

 

“…”

 

“Heeeeey.”

 

“…”

 

“Heeeeeeeeeeeeey.”

 

“…”

 

“Oogushi-kuuun.”

 

“…”

 

“Oogushi-kuuuuuun.”

 

“…”

 

“Oogushi-kuuuuuuuuu—“

 

“My name is not Oogushi!”

 

“Oh, so you _can_ speak!”

 

“…”


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m your roommate, you know, so you can’t act like I don’t exist forever.”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“I find you very attractive.”

 

“!!!”

 

“Oh wow, what a reaction. Need some napkin—“

 

“What the _fuck_? Don’t … don’t say weird shit like that!”

 

“Ooooh, look at you, you’re blushing!”

 

“I’m not! I’m not blushing! God! I want a new roommate!”


	3. Chapter 3

“…”

 

“Oi.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Don’t eat like that, it’s gross. And disturbing. And gross.”

 

“Wha…? ‘s no’ like Ah bot’erin yo’ or anyhin’.”

 

“You are … you certainly are bothering me with that kind of dish. Who the fuck eats red beans with rice?”

 

“You! How _dare_ you speak of them like that! Condemn yourself! You eat rice with mayo and I never complain!”

 

“How dare _you_ speak of them like that! Mayo is a gift from the gods! Seppuku for you!”

 

“No, _you_ commit seppuku!”

 

“No, _you_!”

 

“ _You!”_

_“You!_ Aaggh, you make me feel like a fucking kid! Stop, let’s just … stop this right now. We are adults. We can … solve this. Let’s just shut up for a sec.”

 

“…”

 

“….”

 

“….”

 

“….”

 

“Mayonaisse tastes like horse shit. _Ouch_! What the fuck, did you just punch me in the name of mayo— _ouch_! Ouch! You know what, fuck you!”

 

“ _Ouch_! Fuck you, that hurt!”

 

“Take this!”

 

“Fuck off!”

 

“Horse shit-eater!”

 

“Camel-shit eater!”

 

“Why, you—!”

 

“ **Can you guys shut the fuck up? People are trying to study, you know.”**

“…”

 

“…”

 

“Sorry Shimura-san…”

 

“Sorry Otae...”

 

“ **Good that you understand.”**

“…”

 

“…”

 

“That is your fault.”

 

“What the fuck? Are you serious, now?!”

 

“It just is.”

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

“God, is that bastard back? This is like … fucking two am.”

 

“Oooogushhiii-kunnnnnnn.”

 

“…Are you fucking drunk?”

 

“I wanna peeeee.”

 

“Jesus, what have I done to deserve this shi—OI, THAT’S NOT THE TOILET!”

 

“Hahhh? Ooohh, Oogushi-kun is holding me! You wanna some piece of thiiis?”

 

“God, don’t make it weird. Shut up.”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“That felt gooddd.”

 

“I can’t fucking believe I had to escort you peeing. You better not remember this tomorrow.”

 

“I’m sweepy.”

 

“So sleep.”

 

“Dun’ wanna.”

 

“Then shut up.”

 

“I only wanna sleep with you.”

 

“!!!”

 

“Hahahhahhaa, you’re so cute when you … get all red...”

 

“I’m _not_ —oi, oi! That’s my bed!”

 

“…”

 

“He’s asleep…?”

 

“…”

 

“Shit. God, what the fuck.”

 

“…”

 

“Ugh, you are fucking heavy, you know that?”

 

“…mmmh.”

 

“…”

 

“You smell good … Hijikata.”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“Fine, I’ll just sleep in your bed.”

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

“Oi.”

 

“…”

 

“Oogushi-kun.”

 

“…”

 

“Oogushi-kuuuuuuuun.”

 

“Fuck off ... what the fuck…”

 

“Oi, Oogushi-kun. You look cute sleeping but it’s like … ten already. Don’t you have class?”

 

“…mm. Class … class. Oh _fuck_ , I do … have class. Ugh.”

 

“…”

 

“Whatever just … five more minutes.”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“Uhh. Why are you looking at me like that? Fuck off, you creep.”

 

“…”

 

“What.”

 

“You ruined it.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“For a while you looked _really_ cute, all sleepy and that, but then you ruined it.”

 

“What the— _what_ —“

 

“There goes the blush!”

 

“I’m gonna _fucking kill you_ these days! God!”


	6. Chapter 6

_Message from **Asshole** at 1:23 pm:_

Heefy wherw arw you//?

 

_Message from **Asshole** at 1:23 pm:_

 

*Heu

 

_Message from **Asshole** at 1:23 pm:_

 

*Hey

 

_Message from **Asshole** at 1:23 pm:_

*where

 

_Message from **Asshole** at 1:23 pm:_

*ate

 

_Message from **Asshole** at 1:23 pm:_

 

*ate

 

_Message from **Asshole** at 1:24 pm:_

 

*are

 

_Sent at 1:24 pm:_

 

I fcking get what u r saying u don’t need to correct ur stupid typos god

 

_Message from **Asshole** at 1:25 pm:_

 

_;))))))_

 

_Message from **Asshole** at 1:25 pm:_

 

So wherw ate you????????????

 

_Sent at 1:25:_

 

Why do you want to know

 

_Sent at 1:26:_

You know what its pathetic reading ur miserable texts (like wtf can u even type) im at my room, why?

 

_Message from **Asshole** at 1:27 pm:_

They’ve gpt mayomnnasie at the lubch room

 

_Message from **Asshole** at 1:27 pm:_

Cmere

 

_Sent at 1:30 pm:_

 

Fine

 

_Sent at 1:30 pm:_

 

Save me a seat

 

_Sent at 1:30 pm:_

I’m only coming because of mayo

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

_Sent at 8:46 pm:_

Who is this

 

_Sent at 8:46 pm:_

Sorry someone changed all my contact names, who is this?

 

_Message from **Sweetcheeks** at 8:50:_

Whst dpes mine say?

 

_Message from **Sweetcheeks** at 8:50:_

*what

 

_Message from **Sweetcheeks** at 8:50:_

_*_ does

 

_Sent at 8:51:_

Nevermind I know who this is.

 

_Message from **Sugar Idiot** at 8:52:_

Cmoon, wjat does mine say???

 

_Sent at 8:52:_

It says Sugar Idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case you are wondering, Gintoki is the one who changed his contact name to Sweetcheeks.


	8. Chapter 8

“...why is that here.”

 

“That is, my dear Hijikata, a microwave. It is here to microwave things.”

 

“I fucking know that, dipshit. But _why_ is a microwave here?”

 

“Like I said, to microwave things. Now just shut up for a minute.”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“What are you doing.”

 

“Okay, did you turn stupid or what? I am cooking.”

 

“I _know_ you are cooking, asshole! Why the fuck are you cooking? Can you even _cook_? And it’s like, what, one am?”

 

“There’s always a time to cook. Now, try this.”

 

“…”

 

“Come on, it’s not poisoned.”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“How is it?”

 

“…okay. Good, actually, I’m … surprised.”

 

“I don’t know if I should feel offended or flattered.”

 

“…mm.”

 

“Hey, hey, no! It’s not ready yet! Hands off!”

 

“…”

 

“…”

 

“Could use some mayo though.”

 

“…”


	9. Chapter 9

I’m gonna come late today. Got some stuff to do.

-Hijikata


	10. Chapter 10

I’m at Takasugi’s

There’s some miso in the fridge

(I know you got back like 3 in the morning ytd. Don’t overwork yourself.)

-Gin


	11. Chapter 11

“…”

“Hijikata?”

“…you’re still awake?”

“Right back at you.”

“…”

“You look exhausted. Where’ve you been?”

“...The lab.”

“Liar.”

“Shut up.”

“…”

“…”

“Okay. G’night.”

“…Night.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…Sorry, I’m just—“

“Tired, yeah. Get some sleep.”

“…”

“…”


	12. Chapter 12

“Jesus fuck, it’s huge!”

“Okay, you are being overdramatic, it’s just a cockroa—SHIT IT FLIES.”

“AAAAHHHHH!”

“AAAAHHHHH!”


	13. Chapter 13

_Sent at 4:01:_

 

Thwre’s 20 letters in the alpjabets

 

_Message from **Mayo Prince** at 4:06:_

 

Like I know u can’t type, but I didn’t know u can’t spell also

 

_Sent at 4:06:_

Well im missin u r a q t

 

_Message from **Mayo Prince** at 4:07:_

 

That’s only 25 letters dumbass. Also stfu

 

_Message from **Mayo Prince** at 4:07:_

 

WAIT I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING. YOU ARE NOT GIVING ME THE D. SHUT UP.

 

_Sent at 4:08:_

 

u suck

 

_Sent at 4:11:_

 

But do u swallow ;))))

 

_Message from **Mayo Prince** at 4:11:_

 

Shut the fuck up, god, shut the fuck up


End file.
